What It Is
Compersion is feeling joy when your partner experiences happiness with someone else — especially in non-monogamous relationships. Often called the “opposite of jealousy” or “sympathetic joy.”
The Origin
The term was coined by the Kerista commune in San Francisco in the 1970s-1980s as part of their polyamorous culture. It entered mainstream polyamory vocabulary in the 2010s through books like The Ethical Slut and More Than Two.
What It Looks Like
Example: Your partner goes on a date with someone new and comes home glowing. Instead of feeling threatened, you feel happy they’re happy — compersion.
Not the same as:
- Suppressing jealousy (compersion is genuine joy, not performance)
- Indifference (you actively celebrate their joy)
- No boundaries (compersion doesn’t mean no limits)
Why It Matters
In polyamory circles, compersion is seen as a skill that can be developed through:
- Security in your own relationship
- Recognizing love isn’t zero-sum
- Processing jealousy separately
- Celebrating partner’s autonomy
The Reality
Many polyamorous people admit compersion is aspirational more than constant reality. It exists alongside jealousy, not instead of it. Most experience both depending on circumstances, emotional state, and relationship security.
Mainstream Recognition
The term spread beyond polyamory to describe general empathetic joy — being happy for friends’ success, children’s achievements, etc. By 2020, #Compersion had millions of tags discussing the concept.