What It Is
Cushioning is the practice of keeping backup romantic options (potential partners) on standby while in a relationship—flirting, maintaining connection, or even going on casual dates with others as insurance in case your main relationship ends.
How It Started
The term emerged in 2016-2017 as dating experts named behaviors enabled by dating apps and social media. #Cushioning described how people hedge romantic bets by cultivating backup options.
Urban Dictionary added the definition, and relationship writers documented the phenomenon as modern dating’s version of having an escape plan.
How It Works
While In a Relationship:
- Texting/DMing with people who could become romantic interests
- Maintaining flirty dynamics with exes or “friends”
- Going to coffee/drinks under guise of friendship but with romantic undertones
- Keeping dating app profiles active (even if not actively using them)
The Purpose: If your current relationship fails, you have people ready to “cushion” the fall—instant rebound options.
Why People Do It
Commitment Issues: Fear of being fully invested in one person.
Relationship Insecurity: Doubting the relationship will last, preparing for breakup.
Attention Needs: Enjoying validation from multiple people.
FOMO: Dating apps create illusion of infinite better options.
Exit Strategy: Easier to leave a relationship if you already have someone waiting.
The Harm
Emotional Cheating: Even without physical acts, cushioning often constitutes emotional infidelity.
Prevents Genuine Intimacy: Can’t fully commit to current partner while maintaining backups.
Dishonesty: Usually involves hiding or downplaying the nature of cushion relationships.
Hurts Current Partner: If discovered, destroys trust.
Hurts Cushions: People being used as backups often don’t know they’re not genuine priorities.
The Debate
Is It Cheating?: Depends on relationship boundaries. Some consider any romantic hedging cheating; others draw lines at physical intimacy.
Is It Smart?: Some argue it’s pragmatic in an era of high relationship failure rates. Others say it’s self-sabotage—relationships fail partly because people cushion.
Cultural Impact
#Cushioning reflected dating culture’s paradox: technology offers infinite options, making commitment harder while simultaneously making people crave security.
The hashtag helped people identify and name boundary violations that existed in gray areas between clearly defined cheating and innocent friendships.
Related
- #MicroCheating, #EmotionalCheating, #BackBurner, #BenchingDating, #CommitmentPhobia