What It Is
Define The Relationship (DTR) refers to the conversation where two people discuss what they are to each other—are we exclusive? officially dating? just casual? The hashtag documents one of modern dating’s most anxiety-inducing milestones.
How It Started
While “the talk” existed before social media, #DefineTheRelationship emerged around 2015-2016 as dating app culture created ambiguous situationships requiring explicit definition.
The acronym DTR became standard dating vocabulary, and the hashtag documents the stress, strategy, and relief (or disappointment) of having “the talk.”
Why It’s Necessary
Modern Dating Ambiguity: Unlike past generations where “going steady” or “courting” had clear meanings, today’s dating involves murky stages.
Multiple Partners: With dating apps, people often date multiple people simultaneously until exclusivity is established.
Different Expectations: One person might assume exclusivity after three dates; another might not assume it after three months.
Social Media Status: “Instagram official” or changing relationship status requires agreement.
The Anxiety
Timing: Too soon seems desperate; too late means wasted time if you’re not aligned.
Rejection Risk: They might want to stay casual while you want commitment.
Awkwardness: How do you bring it up naturally without seeming needy or pressuring?
Gender Dynamics: Social scripts often put pressure on women to not seem “too serious too fast.”
Best Practices (Per Hashtag Wisdom)
- Have DTR after 6-8 weeks if seeing each other regularly
- Choose a calm, private setting (not during conflict or post-sex)
- Use “I” statements: “I’d like to be exclusive and would like to know if you feel the same”
- Be prepared for any answer and respect their choice
- If they dodge the conversation repeatedly, that’s your answer
Cultural Impact
#DefineTheRelationship gave language to a conversation that often went unspoken in past eras, leading to misunderstandings and hurt.
The hashtag empowered people—especially women—to advocate for clarity rather than accepting ambiguity out of fear of scaring partners away.
Related
- #TalkingStage, #Situationship, #ExclusiveTalk, #RelationshipMilestones, #ModernDating