Overview
Future faking is a manipulation tactic where someone makes elaborate promises about a shared future (trips, moving in together, marriage, kids) with no intention of following through. The term gained traction in narcissistic abuse recovery communities on Reddit around 2019, particularly in r/NarcissisticAbuse and r/BPDlovedones.
Tactics & Psychology
Future fakers discuss baby names on date three, plan European trips after two weeks, or talk marriage within months—not from genuine commitment but to secure emotional investment. Once the target is hooked, the faker either slow-fades or reveals they’re “not ready” for what they promised. Psychologists link it to narcissistic personality patterns and borderline personality disorder’s intense early idealization phases.
Recognition & Red Flags
Relationship coaches taught recognition: excessive future talk disproportionate to relationship length, plans that never materialize into concrete steps (no actual trip booking), and fantasy discussions replacing present-moment connection. If someone’s planning your wedding before knowing your middle name, that’s future faking.
Online Dating Context
Dating apps accelerated future faking as text-based communication made grand promises easier than in-person follow-through. Users shared stories of matches discussing homeownership and babies before meeting, only to ghost after sex or cancel repeatedly when action was required. The term became shorthand for “all talk, no follow-through.”
Recovery & Boundaries
Therapists advised survivors to spot the pattern: future plans should evolve naturally with relationship progression, not substitute for present connection. Healthy partners discuss possibilities (“I’d love to travel together someday”) versus fake futures (“I already picked our honeymoon destination”).
Sources
- r/NarcissisticAbuse: “Future Faking Megathread” (2019-2023)
- MedCircle: “What is Future Faking?” Dr. Ramani Durvasula (2020)
- Psychology Today: “The Danger of Future Faking in Relationships” (2021)
- The Guardian: “Modern Dating Red Flags” (2022)