The Undefined Pre-Dating Limbo

“We’re just talking” describes the ambiguous phase between initial interest and official dating — texting regularly, maybe hanging out, but no labels, no commitment, no clarity. It’s become the default modern dating stage that drives people insane.

What “Just Talking” Actually Means

The talking stage involves:

• Frequent texting/DMs (sometimes all day)
• Occasional hangouts (often casual, low-stakes)
• Flirting, maybe physical intimacy
• No exclusivity discussion
• No relationship label
• Both parties dating/talking to others simultaneously (maybe)

Translation: “I’m interested but not committing to anything.”

How Long Does It Last?

Varies wildly:

• 2 weeks - 2 months: Normal “getting to know you” phase
• 3-6 months: Yellow flag (someone’s afraid to commit or keeping options open)
• 6+ months: Red flag (probably being led on or both are commitment-phobic)

Why It Exists

Modern dating culture:

1. Dating apps — abundance of options makes people hesitant to commit
2. Fear of rejection — labels = vulnerability
3. Keeping options open — don’t want to “miss out” on someone better
4. Slow burn preference — some people need time before emotional investment
5. Avoiding pressure — “official relationship” feels heavy

Before dating apps:

• Went on dates → became boyfriend/girlfriend → that was it
• No “talking stage” — you were either dating or not

The Frustration

Why “talking” drives people crazy:

• Ambiguity torture — “What are we?” but afraid to ask
• One-sided investment — often one person is more into it
• Can’t plan future — no idea if this is going anywhere
• Jealousy without rights — see them with others but “we’re just talking”
• Limbo anxiety — stuck between hope and moving on

Common thoughts:

• “Are we exclusive?”
• “Can I see other people?”
• “Should I text first?”
• “Do they actually like me or just bored?”

The DTR (Define The Relationship) Dilemma

The question: When do you ask “What are we?”

Too early (1-2 weeks): Might scare them off
Too late (6+ months): Wasted time if they were never serious
Sweet spot: 4-8 weeks of consistent communication/dates

If they avoid DTR conversation:

• “I don’t like labels”
• “Let’s just see where it goes”
• “I’m not ready for anything serious”
• Translation: They’re keeping options open or don’t see long-term potential

Gen Z vs Millennials

Gen Z (2016-2023):

• Normalized “talking stage” as distinct phase
• Created language around it (situationship, benching, breadcrumbing)
• TikTok debates: “How long is too long to talk?”

Millennials:

• Navigated this before it had a name
• “Hanging out” era (2010s)
• Confused by Gen Z overthinking it but also relate

Red Flags During Talking Stage

Watch for:

1. Only texts late night → You’re a booty call
2. Avoids public dates → Hiding you
3. Inconsistent communication → You’re an option, not priority
4. Won’t introduce to friends → Not serious
5. Dodges future plans → No intention of commitment
6. Keeps profile on dating apps → Still shopping around

How to Survive It

Protect yourself:

1. Set timeline — decide your limit (e.g., 2 months max before DTR)
2. Match their energy — don’t over-invest early
3. Keep options open — unless exclusive, you can talk to others
4. Ask directly — “Where do you see this going?”
5. Walk away if they can’t give clarity after reasonable time

When Talking Stage Works

It’s healthy when:

• Both parties genuinely need time to assess compatibility
• Communication is consistent and growing
• There’s progression (deeper convos, meeting friends, real dates)
• Both are on same page about what “talking” means
• Timeline is reasonable (4-8 weeks)

The Situationship Trap

When talking stage never ends:

• Becomes a situationship (relationship without label/commitment)
• Can last months/years
• One person usually wants more, other keeps them in limbo
• Toxic cycle: almost break up → reconcile → repeat

TikTok Talking Stage Culture

Viral trends (2020-2023):

• “Red flags in the talking stage”
• “How to tell if they’re serious”
• “POV: You’ve been talking for 6 months”
• “Talking stage vs relationship” comparisons
• Debates: Is talking stage necessary or toxic?

Backlash

Critics argue:

• Talking stage is excuse to avoid commitment
• Creates unnecessary anxiety
• Wastes time
• Previous generations just… dated

Defenders counter:

• Smart to vet people before commitment
• Protects from getting hurt
• Allows emotional safety before vulnerability

How to End Talking Stage

Two options:

1. Level up: DTR conversation → become official
2. End it: “I’m looking for something more serious” → move on

Staying in limbo: Worst option (unless both genuinely happy with it)

Sources

• Elite Daily: “The ‘Talking’ Phase Of Dating Is The Absolute Worst” (2017)
• The Tab: “What does the talking stage actually mean?” (2019)
• Bustle: “How Long Should The Talking Stage Last?” (2020)
• Gen Z dating surveys (2020-2022)