Overview
The talking stage is the ambiguous pre-relationship phase where two people text frequently, maybe go on dates, but haven’t defined exclusivity or commitment. This Gen Z relationship terminology emerged around 2017 on Black Twitter and spread universally by 2019, describing the frustrating limbo between “we’re getting to know each other” and “we’re dating.”
Duration & Dynamics
Talking stages typically last 2-8 weeks but can extend months if no one initiates the DTR (define the relationship) conversation. Participants text daily, engage with each other’s social media, might hook up, but maintain plausible deniability about commitment. The phase exists in Schrödinger’s relationship—simultaneously dating and not dating until someone forces clarity.
Rules & Expectations
Unwritten talking stage rules created constant anxiety: Is daily texting required? Can you talk to others? Are dates romantic or platonic hangouts? Is sex exclusive? Different expectations caused frustration—one person thinking they’re building toward relationships while the other keeps options open.
Social Media & Validation
TikTok #TalkingStage (214M+ views) featured endless memes about the phase’s anxiety: screenshot analysis (“What does ‘lol’ without emoji mean?”), panic about response times, and confusion about whether introducing someone as “a person I’m talking to” means anything. The ambiguity was the point—and the problem.
Critique & Generational Divide
Relationship therapists criticized the talking stage as commitment avoidance dressed as “taking it slow.” Millennials remembered when “dating” meant dating, not nebulous talking. Defenders argued it allowed authentic connection before labels, but critics saw it enabling situationships and wasting time with people afraid to commit.
Resolution Paths
Talking stages ended three ways: DTR conversation leading to official relationship, slow fade/ghosting when someone loses interest, or perpetual talking until one person exits exhausted. Dating coaches advised time limits (6-8 weeks maximum) and direct communication over hoping the other person brings up exclusivity.
Sources
- The Cut: “Welcome To The Talking Stage” (2019)
- Vice: “Why The Talking Stage Is Hell” (2020)
- TikTok #TalkingStage (214M+ views)
- Refinery29: “How To Escape The Talking Stage” (2021)