Overview

Submarining (also called “zombieing” by some) describes when someone ghosts then resurfaces weeks or months later with casual “hey” text as if nothing happened—like submarines disappearing underwater then resurfacing. The term entered dating lexicon 2017-2018 to name frustrating phenomenon where ghosts expected immediate re-acceptance without apology or explanation.

Typical Scenario

Common submarining playbook: Date goes well, person texts enthusiastically for days/weeks, suddenly disappears without explanation (stops responding mid-conversation), resurfaces 2-6 months later with “Hey stranger!” or “Sorry I’ve been busy!” expecting to resume where things left off. The audacity—no apology, acknowledgment, or explanation for vanishing.

Psychology & Motivations

Submariners typically: explored other options (you were backup plan), experienced commitment panic (fled then regretted), had life circumstances change (ex returned, family crisis ended), felt lonely and remembered your attention, or simply expected forgiveness without accountability. Some genuinely forgot they ghosted (dating app overload), others consciously kept options warm.

Response Strategies

Relationship coaches recommended three approaches: Ignore (block and move on), Confront (“You ghosted me—why would I respond?”), or Curiosity (“Where’d you go?”) to hear their excuse then decide. Most advised against giving submariners second chances—behavior revealed character (disrespectful, non-communicative, immature).

Dating App Enablement

Multiple simultaneous connections made submarining easier: keep conversations going with several people, ghost those who fade in interest, reappear if other options fail. The abundance mindset treated people as interchangeable—why permanently end anything when you could keep options warm indefinitely?

Differentiation from Ghosting

While ghosting was complete disappearance, submarining added insulting return. Ghosts at least stayed gone; submariners wanted forgiveness without earning it. The re-emergence was often more hurtful than original ghosting—showing they remembered you existed but chose disappearance, then expected welcome return.

Sources

• Metro UK: “Submarining Is The New Ghosting” (2017)
• The Cut: “When Your Ghost Becomes a Zombie” (2018)
• Elite Daily: “What To Do When Someone Submarines You” (2019)
• Psychology Today: “The Audacity of Submarining” (2020)